We the members of 3 Minute Hero, do solemnly swear, this is the truth, but maybe not the whole truth.

  1. We have recorded many songs, mostly about food and monkeys.
  2. We have played in many states in front of many peoples.
  3. We have played with some famous bands. We have even eaten some of their steaks. Unwittingly.
  4. We formed in Fargo in 1990-something. Holy shit! You should have seen all the flannel!
  5. We were on hiatus from 2000 – 2007, but still sent each other cards. Sometimes they were the cards with the little musical thing on the inside, but not always. This disparity caused some hard feelings.
  6. Our practice space is flanked by two bands who look at our horns as if they were tools from a spaceship, the sole purpose of which is to inseminate cattle.
  7. We are working on a concept double-album that will be released on vinyl with a board game. Do you know why? Because when 3 Minute Hero has regenerated from its pile of long johns for the last time, people will say, “Remember when they released a concept double-album on vinyl with a board game?” And from beyond the grave, we shall answer in unison: “Yes. And it was awesome.”

And then those people who were talking will soil their cargo shorts.

Genre:
Rock, Funk, Reggae, Ska

Members:
* Jeff Nelson (2nd trombone, lead vocals)
* Jay Kalk (vocals, guitar)
* Bryce Blilie (trumpet)
* Paul Gronert (saxophones)
* Matt Hanzelka (trombone)
* Jonathon TeBeest (drums)
* Dave Kittelson (bass)
* Al Berg (keyboards)

Biography:
Constructed in an abandoned Air Force hangar on the outskirts of Fargo, North Dakota by a team of pedagogues, demagogues, and collectors of pogs under the direction of The Head, what emerged was a crack force of fighters. Yes: they are musicians, but fighters first. They fight musical mediocrity. They fight against the urge to remain motionless at live music shows. They fight the laws of an over-reaching government that says, “What are you doing? You have to urinate INSIDE.” They fight for YOU.

The most important thing you need to know about 3 Minute Hero is that all of its members are constructed of carbon-fiber moldings attached to tungsten frames. This is why all of them are so incredibly strong yet light as, say, a medium-sized wedding cake. The Head decided that these nominally human players (all functions stem from their original human brains, but may be over-ridden by The Head) were far more reliable than their all-human predecessors who nearly perished, in their entirety, during the controversial “Krakatoa: We Dare You” festival. Dare they did and paid were the consequences. [Graph that last sentence, pantalones intelligentes!]

Current Location:
Minneapolis and St Paul, MN

Artists We Also Like:
Jackson Pollack, Roy Lichtenstein, a little Dali — but not too much.

Influences:
None. Everything we produce comes directly from the smithy of our souls — tainted neither by the dead classics nor popular culture. Maybe it’s tainted by irony, which is admittedly pretty unpopular in this post 9/11 world. We’ll just have to take our chances with that and hope for the best.

Band Interests:
scrap-booking

F Minus: Uncollected Works



Bryce Blilie: Trumpet
Dan Arlig: Bass
Paul Gronert: saxamaphones
Jayder Kalk: guitar, vocals, bass on #’s 3,5, & 9
Eric Johnson: trombone
Dan Frost: piano, keyboards
Jonathon TeBeest: drums, percussion
Jeff Nelson: 2nd trombone, lead vocals

Everybody sang at some point, except Dan Frost, which is a crime because he has the voice of an angel. Old Man Bob and Amanda Hosek sang too. Did you hear them? Listen again. Dan Arlig and Dan Frost appear courtesy of dansforless.com Art/verbiage/umbrage by Jeff.

Recorded, mixed, and produced by Jonathon TeBeest at Uncle Johnny’s Homestead. Additional engineering & guidance by Rob Graff III. Mastered by Greg Reierson at Rare Form Mastering.

This album brought to you by the hardworking men, women and children of 3 Minute Hero records.

Press/Awards

1989 — “Best Band that Does Not Yet Exist” Award. Soothsayers Magazine

1995 — “Ugliest Suits” Award. Gingiss Formalwear Monthly (internal publication)

1996 — “Most Stunning Ascot” Award. Little Sailors Magazine

1997 — “Best Custom-Painted 1969 International Harvester Shorty Bus” Award. Some baked guy in Pittsburgh who really looked like a young Michael Douglass

1998 — “Best New Ska Band” Minnesota Music Awards

1999 — “Best New Ska Band” Minnesota Music Awards (the only repeat in MMA history until it was awarded posthumously to the 1976 & 1977 Pittsburgh Steeler football squads).

2000 — “Best Reason for Dissolving a Band” (Ran out of deodorant). Flora Hewlitt Excuse Foundation

2001 — “Largest Diaspora (in square miles) of Recently Dissolved Artistic Group” Award. The Rand McNally Awards (The McNally’s)

2002 – 2007 — No awards received as a band, but separately some of us got some soccer trophies. At a garage sale.

2008 — Nobel Prize for something about cells &/or electromagnetism.

2009 — “The World’s Most Beautiful Man” Award. People Magazine. (Awarded to seven of eight band members).

2010 — “The Malm” Award. IKEA. (Awarded to musical groups that exhibit stunning bone structure).

2011 — “Album of the Year” for their release “F MINUS: Uncollected Works.” Awarded by Macaroni & Cheese Magazine.

2012 — “Hottest Gnome(s) Award.” General Public.

2013 — “Lifetime Achievement Award” Mayfly Magazine.

2014 — “Hormel Row of Fame” Tube Meat Quarterly: An Exploration of All Things Sausage. [later rescinded].

2015 — “The ‘Oh My God, This Band Is Fucking Genius’ Award” McKnight Foundation. Again.

2016 — “Best Concept Triple Album Boardgame Of All Time” Us (not “Us” the magazine, but us, as in, the band).

Operation Brownstar


  1. Robot Factory
  2. Spies
  3. Too Much Wine
  4. Rubber Room
  5. Spider Monkey Pt1
  6. Spider Monkey Pt2
  7. Valentines Day
  8. Julie Loves a Blender
  9. Girls
  10. I'm So Happy
  11. Wish I was Single
  12. Jelly Donut

Customer Reviews

How did these guys slip under the radar?
by monkey von spider

I found this album by accident and it may be the happiest accident ever. Solid album from top to bottom. Love Spider Monkey. The first half of the album is studio and the second half is live.

LOVE IT!!! 
by Restinkulator

I remember seeing these guys at the Fine Line in Minneapolis so many years ago. What a great live show! This album captures that energy and adds some great studio live tracks too. I especially like the horn driven awesomeness of Robot Factory. GET IT!