3 Minute Hero Announces 2015 Summer Starting Line-up.

While other bands wheeled and dealed to the point of frenzy leading up to Wednesday’s trade deadline, 3 Minute Hero calmly released their starting line-up, apparently confident that last year’s players (with the notable addition of first-round draft choice Matt “Salty McBastard” Hanzelka) will be able to propel them through the season and the play-offs.

“We’ve got a good group of guys — I think we’re going to go far this season. We just have to take it one game at a time,” said every box-of-hammers ever on ESPN. [Tangent: if we eliminated sports interviews and cow flatulence, global warming would just go away like a Tuesday morning hangover].

So here’s the line-up:

Dave Kittelson – 1B/bass/lead bass

Jay Kalk – SS/guitars/vox

Al “Ice” Berg – C/keys

Jonathon TeBeest – P/drums

J.R. Nelson – Goalie/2nd trombone/lead vox

Matt “Salty McBastard” Hanzelka – Punter/1st trombone

Bryce Blilie – Seeker/trumpet

Paul Gronert – Recreational Lumberjack/sax-a-ma-phone


I just double-checked the spelling of everybody’s name and got them all right. Don’t ever misspell a bandmate’s name. That is a punishable offense. I could fill pages with our archaic intra-band system of draconian justice, but I don’t think I can handle Paul running the cheese grater over the backs of my calves again for telling secrets. I’ve already said too much. Please send help.